


Rage of Ren

by sydney_hazard



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Blood, Child Abuse, F/M, I don’t understand how someone thought that, Major Character Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape, Smut, Spoilers, This is not a reylo au, but hey, indoctrination, kylo ren is so angry, relationship, they did
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-10 15:45:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5591971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydney_hazard/pseuds/sydney_hazard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>VV-3500 is Force sensitive. That's enough of a problem as is, but when you are part of the First Order that's worse. Worst of all is when Kylo Ren starts staring you down at assemblies. She is the best Stormtrooper they have, and they are training her to be Commandant Hux's right hand woman. But how can she serve under an ideal she doesn't even believe in?<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> I just saw The Force Awakens and fell in love with Kylo Ren so I really wanted to write a fanfic! This takes place about a month before Force Awakens starts and will contain HUGE SPOILERS!! (This fic also contains my theories that I talked about on my tumblr here: http://dancingdamerons.tumblr.com/post/136311722081/my-theories-for-the-force-awakens , so I'm unsure if these are going to be right or not, so take that with a grain of salt)

She was running, her breath leaving her in white puffs. She was in a forest, it was caked in snow and littered with trees.

“Why do you run?”

She stopped dead, the voice was right next to her. It was soft and kind, but still she didn’t trust it. She whipped her head around, hoping to find someone.

No one was standing between the thick trees and snow. She felt light flecks of moisture hit her face.

It had begun snowing.

She started to run again.

She didn't know where she was, but she didn't want to be there. Within seconds it was a full blizzard. She could not see anything but she kept running. Suddenly, there was nothing under her pounding feet. She was falling, she closed her eyes. She slammed hard on to something. It felt like grass or moss under her fingertips. When she finally opened her eyes, she felt someone was standing over her. “I’m happy you're here,” it was the same kind voice as before. She slowly lifted her head, scared of what she might see. She saw nothing but bright light, and a metal hand being held out to her.

She awoke with a start. She was panting and shaking. These dreams were getting so much more vivid, her legs actually burned from running. Although the beginning was always different, the ending was always the same. A bright light and a metal hand extending toward her.

She looked at her clock, it's red numbers said 5:16. She sighed and got up, pulling on pants and a warm shirt, pulling her boots over her cold feet. She walked out of her room, locking it behind her. It was against rules to be out and not in her armor, the only people awake would be a few night shift technicians, she didn’t really think they would say anything. She quietly padded past her fellow stormtroopers rooms and towards the outside. If she wasn't going back to sleep, she was going to watch the sun rise on the base. She walked in silence for a few minutes before she heard faint footsteps. She could sense who it was and a chill went up her spine. It was Kylo Ren. All her life she had been force sensitive, and when she joined the First Order, she met Kylo. He was intimidating, he towered over everyone and his abilities with the force were immense. You could hear the screams of people he was torturing all throughout the complex.The thing that scared her most though, was what he would do when he found out what she was. She heard about the Inquisitors of the old Imperial Army and how they try to wipe out all the force sensitive. The force was considered myths by many, but Luke Skywalker was no myth. Although the First Order tried to keep the Jedi and Skywalker secret, they still kept archives about them. She was in charge of records and the library. She's had to destroy so much data considered contraband, so she finally started just reading them instead. The data talks about them like they never existed. But once she heard someone say that all myths have a shred of truth, and when she read about the force, she knew what she was.

His presence was oppressive now, she could barely walk. His footsteps were loud, “what are you doing?” She lept out of her skin, he was right behind her. His voice was its usual deep robotic sound. When she turned around, she took a step back. He was much closer than she thought, his face only a few feet away. She could feel his eyes boring into her through his mask.

“I woke up and didn't want to go back to sleep.” She could feel his eyes on her, she did not like it. She felt like he was looking far too deep in her, trying to see to see her own soul. She hated people looking at her, especially since she started using the force a bit. Sensing others thoughts was uncomfortable, especially when they were staring at her like he was now.

“Who are you? Why are you not in your armor?”

“My number is VV-3500. I was going to go outside.” There were a few seconds were she was positive he was going to take her to Hux and have her killed. Nevertheless, he nodded and began walking away, but stopped. He stood for a few seconds before continuing on his way. She stood there, before running back to her room. When she was back in she went to the bathroom to splash water on her face. She hadn’t realized she was holding her breath until she let all it out. When she looked up she was taken aback by the look on her face. Her one blue and one green eyes were filled with tears, her usual olive skin was white. She was shaking. His presence was hard to be around. She had never been that close to him before, and she never wanted to be again. She pulled her long black hair back into a low ponytail, sighing. She walked back into her room. She opened up her armor closet, and slowly started strapping everything on. At 6 on the dot over the intercom: _All Stormtroopers are to report to their commanders in exactly 30 minutes_ . She could hear the groans and thuds as people got up. She slid on her helmet and walked out. There was a rush of people, running to the gun closet or back to their room. Fraternization between troops was against law and would result in death, but that didn’t stop a lot of people. She grabbed a blaster and pushed away from everyone.

“Move out of the way FN-2187!” She turned around to see SH-6736 shoving the boy. 36, his nickname, was a tall and strongly built pale skinned boy. Meanwhile 87 was shorter, but still well built, his ebony skin unmarked by scars. She walked up and pushed 36 out of the way, much to his anger, and helped 87 up. She gave him a nod and he smiled at her, shoving his helmet on to his head.

“Thank V,” he said with a laugh in his voice.

After they got all their stuff they marched as one down to the platform for orders. Captain Phasma, in all her shiny metallic armor and billowing red cloak, marched next to Kylo Ren. In front of Kylo stood Commandant Hux, his hair and uniform perfectly placed and straight. The troops all stood at attention, until Hux waved his hand. There was a loud clanking of armor as they all stood at ease. Hux gave his usual bullshit about how the First Order would save the galaxy from the New Republic. V did not believe that, despite what was forced into her brain since birth. She felt that if the First Order really wanted to save them, they wouldn't try to kill them all. She could only guess the reason she didn't believe it is because the force. She heard Jedi could use mind tricks and resist mind control. V felt all the hairs on the back of her neck rise. Someone was staring at her. When she looked up, she saw Kylo staring her down. His gaze usually passes over everyone or no one, not stares down someone. V shifted uncomfortably, feeling as if he was breathing down her neck. She couldn't stop looking at him. Hux’s voice was completely gone, she couldn't tell if he had stopped talking or something happened to her. She felt herself drawn to him, like she was slowly drifting towards him. _What are you doing?_ It was Kylo’s voice.

She almost dropped her gun, _what the fuck?_ Kylo was still looking at her but Captain Phasma leaned over and looked at him. Phasma’s head whipped around to look at her too. “Serve us well! For the First Order!” The troops saluted. They waited for the commanding officers to release them all. When they started walking away, V could still feel eyes on her. She went on with her day, training youth, still with the feeling of someone looking at her. The First Order takes younglings at four months, and V was in charge of the young girls who were around eight and nine. They were starting their physical training. The young ones were already mentally broken, that's was why the Order needed them so young. They needed to instill obedience early. She did her duty of training them, pushing them beyond limits. LH-5653 began to cry, and V had to tell her off and punish her. It does pain V to have to do that to such young girls but if she didn't both her and the young one would be beaten. It was easier to justify hurting the LH in a soft way than for them to beat her within an inch of her life. At 12 it was lunch and duty switch. The youth trainers would go for their own training and would switch with other trainers.

Stormtrooper training was hard, her’s worst of all. She passed her entrance exam with flying colors, she was top of the class in everything from blasters to hand to hand combat. Her commanding officers wanted her to become a Commander of the Order, Hux’s right hand woman. She did not want that, she just wanted to get out of the Order. Her parents had left her here and she wanted to go and find them, what she was going to do when she found them, she did not know. Loud yells reverberated around the huge dome that was the training room. She was sweating and panting, having been fighting with her commander for the past ten minutes, when she heard her name being called. When she looked up she saw 36 walking over. She hated him ever since...well she hated him. He was smug and volatile, he thought he was something of a god. He had a smile plastered on his aggravating face, his green eyes cold. “Can I spar with you? If you don't mind that is Commander?” He looked between 36 and V before nodding and walking away.

“What the hell do you want?” V grabbed a towel from the bench next to her and wiped her face. He just smiled and stood closer to her, the smell of alcohol radiating off him. “Have you really been drinking? No wonder you will never get better, you're always drunk off your ass.” She had struck a drunken nerve. The fist that connected with her face came out of nowhere. She felt blood spurt from her nose, which had been broken, tasted the blood in her mouth. She barely had time to react before she heard an odd sputtering noise. When she looked up she saw 36 about a foot off the ground and grasping at his throat. Panic rushed through her, what if she was doing this? Whatever was holding 36 up dropped him, and Kylo Ren stood behind him. He stepped on to the unconscious man beneath him, she took a step back. She could feel everyone's eyes on her and she did not want the attention.

“Come with me,” his voice was oddly gentle. She nodded and followed him out of the dome. When they stepped out he grabbed her hand and pulled her into a side room. It was pitch black in the tiny room, it couldn't be much bigger than a closet. She could feel Kylo, hear his heartbeat. She felt something in her head, like someone walking through. She knew it had to be him in her head, and she felt herself reaching toward him too. She didn't see much, a few brief shots of a woman, a man, and red. There was a metal hand, the same one as her dreams. She gasped loudly, and her nose began to throb painfully. “Mhm,” his voice was laced with curiosity, like she was some specimen. “The force is strong with you,” he laughed. It was cold and robotic. His cool leather clad hand touched hers for the briefest of seconds before opening the door again and gesturing for her to follow. She walked in his wake, her hand trying hard to keep blood off the ground. He walked her to medic and then left just as fast as he showed up. The nurse was quick to fix her nose but told her firmly to not train anymore today. She nodded and left. She wondered around for a few minutes before she ran into 87. He was working in a small closet that lead down to the trash compactor.

“Hey 87,” she tried to sound as happy as she could. When he looked up at her from what he was doing her almost dropped his tools.

“What happened to you!?” His hand cupped her face, lightly tracing the popped blood vessels under her eyes and scabs on her face.

“I decided it was a good idea to call out 36 on his drunkenness,” she couldn’t help but smile at the angry look on his face. 87 was far too kind to her, he had always tried to look out for her the best he could. She removed his hands, “hey Kylo Ren choked him, so he got his comeuppance.” She leaned up on door frame and crossed her arms. 87 looked confused, “I’m not sure why he was there either. One second 36 broke my nose, the next he was being choked by Kylo.” She shrugged her shoulders, and 87 bit his bottom lip, thinking. “Hey get back to work, the First Order needs their trash room.” She always gave him a hard time about his job. He was an amazing shot and extremely intelligent, he shouldn't be working sanitation. She wish she knew some Jedi mind trick to get the Commanders to move him so she could work with him.

“Hey did you hear the rumor that some of us are going to Jakku, finally somewhere warm.” V smiled, 87 was so optimistic. It was nice to hear that once in awhile, most talk here was just about training and the grand weapon they were all standing on.

“I heard Jakku was sandy with no form of water, what would you did if you got stranded there?” She said it in a joking way but he sat back and actually began to think.

“I guess I could use my great knowledge of trash compactors to find something.” They both laughed loudly, drawing the eyes of a few officers walking past them. “It will feel good to finally get off this place, it's so cold. I’ve missed the feeling of sun on my face,” his voice was so filled with happiness. She felt such deep love for him, he was her brother in so many ways. When they had problems with others, they would come to each other. She never felt anything more than platonic and familial love for him, but she wasn’t sure about him. They stood, talking for another hour or so, until the dinner bell rang. They walked to the mess hall together, got their horrible food, and sat down. They talked about far off worlds and the people there, what it would be like to go there someday. “Hey if we do get to go off to those places I want you to come with me,” he placed his hand on hers and gave a small squeeze. She nodded, smiling. When they finished eating, all the troops moved collectively off to their quarters. They separated only after their commanding officers told them to. She pulled all her armor off, feeling finally free. She pulled off all the rest of her clothes and turned on the shower. She waited for the water to become warm before stepping in. The warmth hurt her nose but calmed her tense muscles. Mid way through her shower she stopped, it felt like someone was staring at her. She pulled back the dividing fabric between her and her bathroom, no one. She finished up and pulled on a fresh shirt and underwear. She climbed under the covers and curled up, enjoying the nice warmth the blankets offered.

She was laying on her stomach on a bed. The room she was in was pitch black, but she felt someone staring at her. She tried to move but couldn't. She felt a hand lightly trace up her leg, her legs burned from the touch. She felt lips dance over her neck and ear. She moaned quietly, the person hovering over her laughed deeply. Two hands grabbed her hips, hard, and flipped her over. She felt the pressure of someone laying on her and kiss her collar bones. She felt a knee between her thighs and she groaned. The person laughed. “Oh dear,” the voice was robotic, “you seem to be enjoying yourself.” In V’s mind she began to scream, she knew who it was. It was Kylo Ren’s voice. She sat up, yelling. There was a loud banging on her door and she could hear 87 yelling for her to open up. She got up and opened the door and pulled him in. He took her in his arms and kissed the top of her head.

“What happened?” His voice was full of emotion. He cupped her face and made her look at him. He whipped away the tears streaming down her face, and kissed her head again. She wasn’t all that sure how to explain what had happened. No one but her, and now Kylo, knew she was force sensitive. She was unsure if what she experienced was even force related. Didn't it have to be thought? Or was it just a dream? 87 sat down on the tiny bed, pulling her down with him. He put an arm around her shoulders, “you know you can tell me anything right?” She just nodded. She didn't want to explain and she didn't really know how. She laid down behind 87, who followed suit, putting an arm under her head, she put her head on his chest. They laid in silence for a few moments before he spoke, “did you have a nightmare about 36 again?”

“No...I’m not sure what it was. It was like those dreams I tell you about. The ones with the metal hand, it felt so real.” He nodded, a hand tracing along her bare thigh. She didn't say anything, despite not feeling that way about him, it was a nice feeling being held. His fingers traveled up her thighs and to her hips, and he made a pained noise. “What?” He pushed her over and straddled her legs, “hey get off me!” He pulled her shirt up, and her eyes widened. On her hips were large puffy red bruises, in the shape of fingers right where the dream Kylo had grabbed her. V’s hands traced the marks, they didn't hurt. 87 stared down at them, and leaned down to kiss them ever so softly. _No, no, no this cannot happen._ She picked his head up, shaking hers, “no 87. You know that I love you, but it's not in this way.” He looked at her with teary eyes before nodding and standing up. He walked to the door and left her to her thoughts. _Well that was fucking mean_ , she felt horrible. She got up and walked into her bathroom, her eyes wincing at the bright light when she turned on her lights. She lifted up her shirt and looked at the marks. They were even worse in the light. They were massive, she used her own fingers as a comparison. She couldn't help but look at the other mark on her stomach. Souvenir of that night with 36. When she looked up from her new injures, she saw Kylo Ren for a second. She blinked and he was gone. She went back into her bedroom, apprehensive. She saw no one. She laid down, trying hard to fall back asleep and not let fear take hold of her.

 

For the next few nights she had the same dream. The marks didn’t go away. Every morning Kylo Ren would stare her down at the assembly. Everyday she would go about her business. Now 36 gave her a wide berth, finally. 87, sadly, barely looks at her since that night. Everyday was the same as always. Until a week after these dreams started, then something changed.


	2. Pain and Anger

After taking a shower, she got out and patted herself dry. All day she had felt strange, like something was weighing her down, holding her heart in a vice grip. She had hopped that a long shower would have helped her, but all it did was intensify the pain. She pulled on her sleep shirt and underwear. She crawled into bed, apprehensive about what would be waiting for her when she began to dream. No dreams came though. She awoke to a sharp stabbing pain in her side and her head was pounding. She staggered to the bathroom, and threw up in the toilet. Stumbling toward the sink, she could barely keep her eyes open. She gargled water and then brushed her teeth. It did little to help her pain or make her feel better. When she glanced up at the mirror, she saw that her nose at least looked a little better. The scab over the bridge of her nose was now thankfully gone, leaving her with a large scar. She was shaking and crying, but she felt a strange pull. As she pulled on pants and boots, she felt an immense surge of sadness and pain. It brought her to her knees. She staggered out her room, following the pain. She walked for a short time before turning. The pain became more and more intense. Finally she got to a door. She held up her hand to knock but the door opened before she could, she was panting from trying to hold herself up. When the door opened she stopped. In the room sat a man on a bed. His bare hands were holding his head, his long dark brown hair hanging over his hands. His shoulders were shaking, and tears were dropping on cold metal floor. Next to the man was the mask of Kylo Ren. She didn't know what she should do, run or stay. She felt her feet move with out her wanting too, until she was just a few feet away from him. She jumped when she heard the door close behind her, and the man looked up. His brown eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks pink. His face was too soft and vulnerable too be the man known as Kylo Ren. It was too young and far too handsome to be the murderer. His eyes were much different than the rest of his face. They were lined with dark bags and they were the only thing that made him seem so much older. Those were the eyes of a killer. One of his hands moved to touch her hand. It was so different from when they were in that closet, it held warmth. His hand moved towards where her shirt hem and waistband of pants met, and lifted the shirt. He gasped, his eyes widening.

 

The marks were worse than ever. They had become purple and swollen. “I never knew this would happen,” his voice cracked at the end. Unwilling, her eyes filled with tears. She leaned down and kissed his head, wrapping her arms around his neck. She couldn't explain why she needed to comfort him, but she needed to.  

 

“Why then?” She barely whispered it, her voice was shaking almost as bad as his. He sucked in his breath, a sharp pained sound.

 

“I wanted...I’m not sure. I wanted you...I need someone to understand.” His voice was shaking, and so were his arms as they wrapped around her waist. He pulled her close, so close that she could feel his heart beat on her thighs. He began cry and shake horribly, and she never wanted to let him go, ever. Despite her feelings before she stepped into this room, she needed to help him. This was not the killer she feared, it was a broken man that needed love and kindness. She held onto him for what felt like hours before he spoke. “How did you find me?”

 

“I felt like my body was being torn, I had such a pain in my side, I threw up. That's what woke me up, and then I felt such...sadness. I followed it,” she kissed his head again. She untangled her arms from around his neck and leaned down, so she was eye level with him. Her fingertips lightly traced the rivers of moisture his tears left, his voice caught in his throat. She could physically see the change in his face when she touched him. The little lines he had, softened. He leaned into the touch. She moved her other hand to touch his cheek, she didn’t connect eyes with him. When her eyes finally connected with his, he was staring at her lips. She felt a pang of desire, to kiss him, to be held by him, to be with him. It seems like he had the same thought because he leaned in but stopped just a hairs breath from her lips. She leaned in, her lips gently pressing against his. He both pulled away, unsure if what he had done was okay. “Oh for the love of,” her hands wrapped around his neck and her lips pressed hard on his. There were a few heartbeats before he melted beneath her. His mouth opened, his hands tangled into her hair. She stood up, her lips still connected to his, and sat down on his lap. He moaned against her, his hands gripped her hips. Kylo’s lips broke from hers to move to her neck and she moaned much louder than she would have wanted to. She felt her hips slowly move over his. He groaned loudly, his hands tightening their grip on her. She felt him suck, hard, on her neck. Her eyes closed and moaned loudly. His fingertips moved over her torso under her shirt, making her shiver. Her pace quickened over him, she could feel something hard between her legs. She had to smile, it was such a human thing to be aroused, and Kylo Ren never seemed human. He pulled off her shirt in a quick motion, her skin erupted in goosebumps at the sudden cold. She then realized something, she was wearing nothing under her shirt. His lips covered hers again, his hands grabbing her breasts. She didn’t know where to start to on his clothes, she wasn't even sure when the fabric started and ended. She started with his belt, and then his cloak. “How the hell do you get this all off?” He laughed and he pulled off his shirt in one fluid motion. She leaned back to take in the toned lines of his torso. She ground her hips against his just to see his face. He bit his lips, his eyes closing. She kissed his neck, sucking and biting.

 

“Your lips feel so nice,” his voice was husky. She froze. _Your lips feel so nice_ it was 36’s voice. He said that to her right before he… before he raped her. She stood up quickly, grabbing her shirt and pulling it back on. She was shaking. Images of that night flashing through her mind. 36’s face smiling as he ripped her shirt off, ignoring her pleas. Him pulling out a knife and saying if she didn't shut up he would cut her, he did it anyways. Him moaning those words when he forced her lips around his erection. Him smiling when he came in her. Him laughing as he kissed her ear so softly, whispering that no one would believe her. It was true. No one but 87 believed her nor wanted to go against the domineering 36. Hands touched her face and her muscles tightened, flinching away from the touch. “Hey, hey,” it was Kylo. “Are you okay? Did I do something?” His hands gently brushed away the tears falling from her eyes. She shook her head, answering both questions. “What happened then?”

 

“Your lips feel so nice,” she repeated it in a monotone voice. He looked confused, “it's what 36 said to me before…” She couldn’t finish, she began to sob. Kylo stood for a few moments before wrapping his arms around her shoulders, letting her cry on to his bare chest. She felt his mind pushing on hers, softly calming her. He was searching, and she knew what he was going to find. He stiffened, and she knew he found it. She felt the same pain as she did that night. He began muttering, she felt a sudden outpour of anger from him, she knew what he was thinking without any Jedi mind tricks. “Kylo no,” he ignored her. He pulled his shirt back on and grabbed his mask and lightsaber. He stormed out of the room. She followed him out, rushing to keep up with his thundering footsteps.

 

“Where is he!?” His robotic voice was harsh compared to the soft one he used to talk to her, it was so full of anger.

 

“Kylo! Stop!” She was running now, using the anger she felt from him to keep up. He marched into the control room, the two workers there jumping to attention.

 

“Where is stormtrooper SH-6736?” Kylo’s voice was bitter, the workers seemed scared, and she didn't blame them. They hurriedly sat down and typed something, looking up 36’s location.

 

“Block two, room 73,” said one of them. Kylo turned and stormed out, almost knocking V over. He turned down block two entrance, her running after. She was only a few feet behind him, in his hand was his lightsaber. He turned to the door, hand raised, when she slammed into him.

 

“Kylo don't,” her hands grabbed at his wrists using the force to keep him from bursting into 36’s room. She dug her shoulder into his collar bone, grinding her teeth to keep him back. He was fighting her, but she was gaining strength. She could not believe that she was protecting this asshole, but here she was. “Calm down Kylo,” she whispered to him in his ear.

 

“No! He needs to die!” Behind her she heard the door open, and more doors all around her.

 

“What the hell is going on?” _You have to be kidding me_. She forced Kylo to take a step back, but that only lasted a few moment. Kylo totally overpowered her, and rushed into the room with 36. It was over in a few red seconds. It smelled like burning flesh. She didn't  even have time to think  about moving in there with him, he was already marching out, leaving 36 in pieces. There were only a few drops of blood on the ground. She stood for a few moments before sprinting after the retreating broad shouldered back. She could hear people yelling, asking what happened.

 

“V! What's going on?” It was 87, he looked concerned.

 

“I’ll explain later!” She just kept running. Rounding a corner and slowly catching up to Kylo, who was heading back to his room. She eventually caught up him, but they didn’t talk. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him do something with his hand, she couldn't see what. Warm skin touched her hand, and his hand gripped hers tightly, trying to cover up the fact that his hand was shaking uncontrollably. **_All Stormtroopers are to report to their commanders in exactly 30 minutes_ **. “Klyo I have to go,” but he kept walking, his grip on her tight. He pulled her into his room, finally letting her hand go. His hand moved to his lightsaber and attacked the far wall, yelling indistinctly over the sound of ripping metal. V stood, watching the sparks fly and his saber cut into the wall leaving large sizzling gouge marks. Although she had heard enough about his breakdowns, she had never been in the same room as one. It was hard to watch. She waited till he was done, till he was kneeling. His shoulders were shaking, his robotic breath was labored. She walked up, tentatively, and stood behind him. “Kylo,” she heard him suck in air sharply. She moved in front of him and sat on the ground. She lifted up her hands, removing his mask. His face was twisted in anger and pain.  She felt that same pressing sadness as she did before she walked into his room. “You need rest,” he shook his head.

 

“No I need to meet with Hux and Leader Snoke.” She pulled him onto the bed, forcing him to lay down. He tried getting up, but she pushed him back down. Despite the bed barely fitting him, she laid down next to him. He looked at her a few moments before nodding. He took off his shirt, shoes, cloak, and pants. She did the same, but left her shirt on. They pulled the blankets over themselves and she curled into his chest. She placed her ear right over his heart so she could listen to it beat. His arms wrapped around her tightly, almost too tightly, but she didn't care. She waited to fall asleep until after she heard his breathing slow down, along with his heartbeat. They must have slept for hours, but it was hard to tell with no windows and no clock. A loud banging awoke her. She could barely keep her eyes open when another knock came and she woke up fully. They were still in the same position as before, she shifted so she could look at Kylo’s face. His eyes were closed still but when another knock came, his eyebrows furrowed together. He groaned loudly, muttering about how people should leave him alone for once. _Oh hell that voice is better in the morning._ She smiled, trying to go back to sleep. That lasted all of a second. The knocking was louder and more consistent now. Kylo sighed, getting up and pulling on pants and a shirt. “Stay there,” he said absentmindedly. She nodded, shifting to lay on the warm spot he left behind. She heard the door open and Kylo say “the hell do you want Hux?” She heard Hux clear his throat, _even that sounds stuck up._

 

“Where were you today? Did you decide that _she_ ”, he sneered the word, like she was something below him, “was more important?” There was a stiff silence. She could only imagine the look Kylo was giving him. Nevertheless, Hux kept going. “Did you kill SH-6736?”

 

“What if I did?” Kylo’s voice was cold.

 

“Why? Is it because of that lie _she_ ”, he snarled that word again, “told? About being raped…” Hux didn't finish before she heard a crack and a thud. She turned on the bed to see Hux on the ground, his nose bleeding everywhere. Kylo seemed to be going in for a punch again, she rushed out of the bed and got between him and Hux. She didn't particularly like Hux, she just knew that Kylo would regret this later. Kylo may be able to use the force but he still had to serve under Hux. She didn’t remember that she was in fact not wearing any pants and just her underwear, until the sudden cool on her legs made her shiver. Kylo’s face immediately softened, his fists unclenched, the anger from his eyes disappeared.

 

“If you were smart you would go Commandant Hux,” said V. When she looked down at Hux she saw his eyes looking her up and down, a small smile on his lips. “Sir, go,” when his eyes connected with hers, his smile got wider. Kylo noticed. He tried move around her, but she shoved him back into the room. She gave Hux one last look before closing the door. She sighed loudly, “Kylo you need to control your anger.” When he looked up he rolled his eyes. She bit her lip to stop from smiling, the corners of his lips twitched. He sat down on the bed again, so he could pull his boots on. He pulled his cloak and his mask, then he turned to her.

 

“You need something to better to wear.” She laughed, his head cocked to the side.

 

“Oh, no more sweatshirts and underwear?”

 

“Not to say I don't enjoy you in your underwear, but no. I’m taking you to met Leader Snoke.” She was taken aback.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because he will be interested in you.” In her opinion, that sounded horrible. She tried as hard as she could to not have people interested in her, but for some reason people still were. She just nodded. She didn't want to argue with him, she felt like she was on thin ice. Well, more like he was thin ice and she shouldn't try to say anything to crack it. He nodded back and handed her her sweatpants and shoes, letting her lean on him to put her shoes on. That alone was one of the sweetest gestures she had ever received. They walked out together, standing close enough that their hands kept brushing together. She could feel people looking, but not at her. They were looking at how strange Kylo was acting, not menacing. Not intimidating. He was not storming around, his footsteps heard far away. People were still pressed up against the walls when they walked by though. She was sure it was because of what happened with 36. In all the time she’s been on Starkiller Base she has learned one thing, Kylo Ren is extremely unpredictable. They turned a few corners and then he placed a hand on the small of her back and moved her toward a door. When it slid open it revealed a large room full of officers’ uniforms. Kylo walked in and grabbed a uniform from the back and tossed it at her. When she looked at it, it wasn’t anything she had seen before. It was obviously cut for a woman, it had a low cut neck stopping at about the sternum, and it cinched in at the waist. The jacket front was two rounded edges that came together all along the torso and then split apart above her thighs. Buttons were the only thing that kept the two pieces together. The pants would cling to her legs like nothing before, and on top of that it was black with large red strips on the pants and on the jacket. The material was some thick wool, it was luckily soft.

 

“Really? There was nothing else?” She sighed, looking at Kylo for a brief second before pulling off her shirt and pulled on the jacket. It was tight across her breasts, which were much bigger than the jacket would allow, forcing her to readjust them. She felt Kylo looking at her and she looked up at him, making a disgruntled noise. “This funny?” He shook his head, she rolled her eyes. She pulled on the pants, hopping up and down to get them on. She yanked on boots and turned to him, arms out stretched, full lips pursed. His head shifted from side to side, appraising. She didn’t like the feeling of his eyes on her, they felt hungry. He walked up quickly, taking off his mask. He leaned down and kissed her deeply, his tongue sliding in for a few moments before pulling away. She stood on the balls of her feet to kiss him again, but he took a step back. He shook his head, a smile on his perfect lips. “Fine, leave me desperate.” She grabbed her clothes and threw them in a bin in the corner. “Let’s go. Wait,” she braided her hair loosely, hoping to make it a little more neat. “Do I look like a presentable member of the First Order?” He just nodded, putting his mask back on. He took her hand and pulled her out of the room, but let go the moment they got out. The feeling of eyes on hers almost instantaneously. “Listen,” she growled at Kylo, “I absolutely hate people looking at me.”

 

“I know,” he said quietly.

 

“Then why in the hell are you walking me around in this outfit, and then showing me off to Snoke?” A few stormtroopers looked at her a little too long, she felt Kylo’s anger build. He didn't answer her question, he just kept walking. She began to notice the change of people, less troops and more officers and captains. She had never been by the command center for the base, but she guessed she was nearing it. As they walked, she would glance around occasionally. She felt him grasp her arm and pull her into what she could only guess was the main command room. Hux stood at the front, hands clasped behind his back, talking to an officer. He turned when he heard Kylo’s thundering footsteps. His face looked fine, it didn't look like anything happened to him. As she moved closer though, she saw the bump on his nose, the bags under his eyes.

 

“Ren, how very nice to see you finally out of your room. Oh and joy you brought your most recent flame.” His voice was cold and so proper, she wanted to punch him just like Kylo. At Hux’s words, Kylo stiffened next to her. She shifted to put her weight on her left leg, leaning close to him. _Recent flame? What the hell does that mean? Were there other woman I didn't know about?_

 

“I need to talk to Snoke,” said Kylo. Hux raised a thin red eyebrow. His blue eyes shifted from Kylo to V.

 

“Why would that be?”

 

“Not your concern Hux,” Kylo growled at him. The two stared each other down for a few tense moments before Hux nodded quickly. He turned away, going back to the officer he was talking to before they got there. Kylo and V walked out, him moving her right, and down a corridor with no one in it. It was strange. Although at the beginning of the passage you could hear the chatter of people and the whirring of machines, the deeper you went, the more oppressive the silence got. The lights became dimmer and dimmer, and she began wanting nothing more than to turn around. She felt herself involuntarily getting closer and closer to Kylo, until she was pressed into his side. He wrapped his arm around her, “it’s okay. Don’t worry.” They came to a door that was surrounded by red lights, he grabbed her shoulders and stopped her. “Listen, I will do all the talking. Don’t talk unless spoken to, alright? Also follow what I do, okay?” She nodded, he squeezed her shoulders and turned. The door slid open and they walked in. The room was massive, and in the middle sat the towering figure of Supreme Leader Snoke. He had to be almost sixty feet tall. He was looking down at them with a blank expression. Once Kylo made it to a small platform, dropped to one knee. She copied. Snoke laughed.

 

“I see she is well trained.” She felt her hand clench, _well trained?_ Kylo and she stood up, she was unsure where to look. She felt her eyes linger on the large scar on his head, she didn’t know anything that would leave such a mark and let the person walk away. “She’s an interesting one. Is she force sensitive?” His head cocked to a side, a finger against his lips.

 

“Yes, she is very powerful. She can be trained in the ways of the Dark Side,” Kylo said.

 

“Do you believe in the Dark Side?” She looked up to see both of them looking at her.

 

“I believe in the Force. I believe in the Jedi and the Sith, I know they were real. Despite what the First Order wants me to know.” His head moved, his body shifting, a smile forming. “But I don’t believe the world is black and white like that, it can’t be. People aren’t just one dimensional, alliances aren’t in stone. People change. I don’t think there is a straight and narrow way.” Snoke’s smile was growing. She then realized what an idiot she was. She was talking to the fucking leader of the First Order and she just said that she was aware of contraband materials. On top of that, that she was resisting the indoctrination. She waited on baited breath for Snoke to speak.

 

He pointed at her, “she’s smart. She’s wise, we’ll train her.” She sighed a sigh of relief, closing her eyes.

 

“Thank you master.” Kylo bowed again, she followed.

 

“I don’t like VV-3500, it is not suiting of someone special like you,” Snoke said.

 

“It’s the only name I’ve ever been given,” she paused. “Well I would guess my real parents might have cared enough to give me a name, but I may be wrong.” She felt her lip twitch, she always wanted to find her parents. She had no idea what she would do once she found them, but she wanted to see them. She always wanted to hear their voices, hear them try to explain why they left her with the Order, to ask if she had siblings and where they were. She watched Snoke tap a finger to his lips, thinking hard about something.

 

“Welcome to the Knights of Ren, Val Ren,” Snoke boomed out.

 

“Thank you...master,” she said dropping to one knee and bowing her head. “It is an honor to be part of such a group. I hope I serve you well.” Snoke inclined his head.

 

“Kylo, she needs a lightsaber. Take her to make one, her training starts now,” Snoke said. His body began to flicker, blue lines of a hologram showing through. He was gone when she blinked. She looked at Kylo, her mouth slightly open.

 

“You heard master, you need a lightsaber,” the way he said it didn’t sit right with her. She could almost feel him not making eye contact with her. He started walking without her.

 

“Where do you even do that? Kylo what am I going to tell my commander?” He wasn’t responding. “Kylo!” He stopped and slowly turned. “Listen, you better give me some damn answers,” her voice was angry. She bit the inside of her cheek for a moment before adding, “please.”

 

“I will explain everything on our way, but now we both need to leave.” He started walking again. She stood for a few moments, before she rolled her eyes and walked after him. They walked in silence, him standing strangely far away. “You need to get clothes, then meet me out in the hangar,” his voice was stiff. She nodded. She kept walking back to Block 2 and her room. It was hard to believe that just this morning Kylo stormed into 36’s room and killed him. As she walked she hear whispers about her, about Kylo and why he had killed 36.

 

“V! Is that you?” She turned with a smile on her face to see 87 walking toward her. When she turned around his eyes looked like they were going to pop out their sockets. His mouth moved for a few seconds before he seemed to find the right words, “you said you would explain later. I think now is a good time.” She nodded and gestured for him to follow her to her room. When she got in she turned and he blurted out “where did you get that outfit?” She couldn’t help but laugh.

 

“It’s a long story,” she said laughing. She grabbed a bag and pulled some clothes out of her drawers, when she realized, she owns nothing but jogging clothes and two tight suits to wear under armor to avoid chaffing. “I’m not sure how much I can tell you honestly.” He grabbed her hand, making her look at him.

 

“I’ve told you this a thousand times, but I’ll say it again, you can tell me anything.” She nodded, sighing.

 

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, I don’t think I’m allowed to.” She had never told him about her force abilities or about the records she read. She just told him about strange dreams. She had a fear that he would go and tell someone about her insubordinations, getting her killed. After all, that’s what he is made to do.

 

“Well tell me this, what is going on between you and Kylo Ren?” She bit the inside of her cheek, it was a bad nervous habit and he knew it. He slowly began to nod, “ah I see. So where is he taking you?” She shrugged. “You’re going to let him take you someplace you don’t know,” his voice was rising, “and do who knows what to you!?” She felt her own anger boil up.

 

“Listen,” her voice was ice, “if you think that I can’t protect myself, leave.” They stared each other down for a few moments before he spoke.

 

“I’m sorry, just after what he did to 36...I guess I don’t really want you around him.” His eyes wouldn't meet hers and he was playing with the strap of her bag.

 

“No that’s fine,” she said quietly. “Listen, I need to go.” He just nodded. She put the last bit of her clothes into the bag. “Oh, guess what?” He made a noise of acknowledgement, “I’ve got a name now.” He looked up, confused.

“What is it?”

 

“Val,” her voice was surprisingly happy. “I quite like it, don’t you?” He nodded, a faint smile forming on his lips. “I have to go now,” she said as she put the bag over her shoulder. She started to walk out, but 87 stopped her. He leaned in and kissed her for the briefest of moments. They looked at each other for a few moments before she said, “good bye 87.” She walked out with a heavy heart and made her way to the hangar. She felt conflicted, she was making the right choice was she not? Wouldn’t it be smarter her for her to stay here? She had made it to the hangar without realizing it, not paying all the much attention to where her feet were taking her. Looking around she saw Kylo’s ship and heard it humming. She started to walk toward it when she hear her number being called. When she turned around she saw Commander Hux, “Commander.” He stopped in front of her, looking her up and down. “Listen, I need to leave, so if you don’t have anything important to say, I’ll be going.”

 

“What do you and Kylo plan to do?” Her eyebrows scrunched together.

“Sir, with all do respect, that is none of your business.” She knew she was overstepping her bounds, but she didn’t really care.

 

“When one of my troops is insubordinate, it is my business,” Hux replied. His voice was cold, as usual, but it held an edge.

“Well it’s good then that she’s not one of your troops anymore Hux,” Kylo said. He must have seen Hux come up to her from the ship. She saw Hux’s lips tighten. You could cut the tension between the two men with a lightsaber, and troops that were walking by could feel it. They looked that the two men with concern, trying to stay as far away as they could without drawing attention to themselves. “Let’s go,” Kylo said finally. He didn’t need to say it twice, she was already walking to the ship the moment he began speaking. She didn’t look back, ducking her head as she walked in. She threw her bag on to the bench, realizing Kylo was a few feet behind her. He was pissed, and she could feel it. He huffed down in the pilot seat and she sat down in the co-pilot seat. “Have you ever flown before?” She nodded. They lifted off the ground and were out of the hangar in a few minutes. She felt her eyes widen, although she had flown around the base before, she had never left the atmosphere. She looked around, she had never seen so many stars before, and the magnitude of them took her breath away. Kylo took off his helmet, a small smile pulling at his lips when he watched her. Staring at the stars and planets she realized she had never asked where they were going. When she did he responded with, “Ilum.”

 

“I’ve never heard of it,” she bit her cheek again. “What were you and Hux talking about?” His face, although showing little emotion, fell.

 

“He seems to think that it’s okay to disrespect you.” She nodded, that was obvious enough. “He also finds you attractive and wants to sleep with you,” Kylo’s voice tried to stay flat, but it fluttered with anger.

 

“Oh,” she had never noticed anything besides what happened this morning. “You know that how?”

 

“The way he looks at you, his eyes are always hungry. Also when you are around everything about him changes. His eyes focus on you, his emotions of desire heighten.” His hands danced across the controls, putting them into hyperspeed, his eyes refusing to meet hers.

 

“When we talked to Hux earlier, he said ‘most recent flame’. What does that mean?” He flinched, as if she had hit him.

 

“Hux was just saying that to get under our skin,” he turned to look at her, “it’s nothing.” She didn't believe him. She yawned, “go sleep.” She didn’t want to argue, she got up to go to the bench with her bag. Before she moved she leaned down and kissed his head. She felt his anger ebb away, slowly as she walked away. “Wait,” she turned around just in time to catch his cloak. “Use it as a blanket,” she nodded. She laid down on the bench, using the huge piece of fabric to cover herself. It was warm, not only because it was thick but also from Kylo’s. For not feeling tired, she sure fell asleep quickly.

 

Screaming. There was so much screaming. Flashes of green and blue against red. She saw this as though through a foggy mirror. She saw several hulking black shapes, red lights in hand, moving toward smaller shapes with green and blue lights. A man was yelling, “Ben! Don’t do this!”

 

“That is not my name uncle. I am Kylo Ren.” She saw in sharp focus a metal hand clutching a lightsaber. She began to run toward the two shapes, she needed to stop them. Whoever the man with the metal hand was, he was in danger. She got within a few inches before she hit something hard, like thick glass. She started banging on it, screaming for the man to run. “Wake up.”  A hand touched her face, her eyes flicked open. She grabbed the hand, twisting it behind the person’s back, and slamming them against the far wall, face first. That’s when where she was came back to her, and she recognized the smell and warm from the person she had pinned to the wall. She let Kylo go, taking a step back.

 

“I’m sorry, I was having a nightmare,” she said quietly. He turned around, he looked sad or scared she couldn’t tell. There was a stiff silence between the two before, “is your name Ben?” He stiffened, his face creasing in anger. She stood her ground, waiting for the backlash, but it did not come. His face softened, he nodded.

 

“How do you know?”

 

“I’ve been having strange dreams,” she sat back down on the bench, looking down at her feet. “They feel so real, but they can’t be. This one was of you and some man with a metal...hand.” Something clicked in her head. She looked up, “Luke Skywalker lost his hand on Bespin.” The words began tumbling from her mouth, “and after the fall of the Empire he began a Jedi Academy. There he trained young to become Jedi, but something happened.” She stood up, “there was a massacre! It was you that killed them all!” She stood for a few moments, breathing hard, staring at him. His face did not change, it was a complete mask. She grabbed a blaster, and sprinted out of the ship. Snow and cold hit her immediately, but she ran to the right and then left. Faintly, she could hear Kylo yelling for her to come back, but the wind was howling too loudly. Luckily enough the falling snow was thick enough that she was completely covered from sight, and her footsteps were silenced. She felt numb. That could have been the cold piercing her bare skin. She didn’t know where she was going, but she wanted to get away from Kylo, and that was all that mattered. She had made it to a small clearing, ringed by trees, it had stopped snowing. _How could he have done something like that?_

 

 _He was seduced by the Dark Side, and Snoke._ It was that voice, the one from her dreams. It was Luke Skywalker. This was where her dreams had been, this planet. _Fear not young one, move toward my voice._ She turned her head to the right and then the left, hoping against hope that someone would be standing there to direct her. There was no one, but there was a faint light. She moved slowly toward it, letting the now falling snow settle in her hair. The light seemed to be coming from a cave mouth. When she walked up to it, a flash of heat hit her. Gladly she walked in, feeling the warmth travel into her bones and her skin began to burn from the sudden warmth. Now that she was in the cave, she saw that it went on for quite awhile, eventually dropping into darkness. The light that she saw was really hundreds upon hundreds of faintly glowing crystals. She kept walking, she had never seen anything like this before. They were all small, small enough to sit in her palm. They were clear, and she was unsure as to why they were glowing. There was a split in the walkway up ahead. After a few moments hesitation, she moved down the right. The crystal seemed to fade, the passage getting darker and darker. The warmth she felt was getting more and more intense, making her uncomfortable. The dim glow came back, but it was now red. She kept walking, her heartbeat racing. There was pitch black ahead, but to her left was a large opening, flooded in bright red light. She felt a rustle against her skin, something whispered in her ear. She felt a strong pull to go into cave, but there was a small pull to walk away. “Come to me,” it was Kylo’s voice, but it sounded distant like an echo. She took a tentative step into the cave, what she saw was strange. It was her and Kylo, their naked bodies tangled together. His hands were wrapped in her hair, she was moaning loudly. His lips were kissing her neck, his eyes flicked up to look at her. They were full of lust and desire. The bodies’ edges were rippling, shimmering like a mirage. She walked up until she was just a few inches from the image. She ran her fingers through it, whipping away the hallucination, but there was another behind it. A man and a woman. The woman had her eyes, mismatched blue and green. The man had her hair and tan skin. Their arms opened wide.

 

“Mother… father?” They nodded, she rushed toward them. They disappeared like smoke through her fingers. In their place stood Snoke. He wasn’t his huge hologram, he stood only a head taller than her.

 

“I can give you all you desire,” his hand extended out. In it sat one of the small crystals, it’s red light pulsing. “You are so much stronger than you think. I can show you the ways of the Dark Side. Become my one apprentice and together we can rule the galaxy.” That small pull to leave the cave became a sharp pain in her side. She took a step back, shaking her head. Snoke’s face began to change, his eyes began to glow red. She turned and ran, the cave collapsing in behind her. She ran as fast she could, dodging large pieces of crystals and rock. When she got to the beginning of the passage she turned to go down, but she saw Kylo standing there. He started to run toward her, but she turned down the left passage and kept going. She heard all the rocks fall in, Kylo yelled loudly. She flinched but kept running. The layout was the same as the red side, but now she was bathed in purple. She dove into the small cave up ahead, feeling the earth tumble around her. She took a few deep breaths, before what was in front of her set in. Two men in long robes. The one on the left was much younger than the one on the right. The one on the left looked to be only twenty five or so, his shaggy blonde hair framing his round face. The man on the right was older, bearded and his face wise. They were wearing robes similar to Kylo’s but they were light brown and white. They were smiling down on her, their faces kind.

 

“I am happy you have found us, Val,” said the one on the right. He held out his hand, but when she tried to grab it to help herself up, her hand just went through like the visions in the red cave. She stood up, her legs barely holding up her weight. “Val my name is Obi-Wan Kenobi, this is Luke Skywalker.” Luke inclined his head.

 

“What the hell is going on? I’m so confused and scared,” her voice shook.

 

“I’m sure my nephew will explain what is happening to you once you wake up,” said Luke. She opened her mouth to say that she wasn’t dreaming, but he cut her off. “Here,” he held out a small purple crystal, “take this.” She held out her hand tentatively, and grabbed it out of a solid hand. The moment she did, intense cold hit her, she heard Kylo yelling her name again. The two Jedi in front of her began to waver, the lines of their bodies fading. The cave began to shimmer, like the two jedi before her. An echo of Luke’s voice said, “please help Ben. Try to succeed where I have failed.” She gripped the crystal harder in her hand, feeling it cut into her hand.

 

“I will,” she whispered to the fading image of Luke and Obi-Wan. The illusion of the cave was gone now, all she saw was rushing white and trees. Kylo’s yells were suddenly right in her ear, the swirling snow made her feel sick. She felt her legs give out from under her and Kylo’s arm catching her. She felt him shift, something thick and warm was placed over her, it had to be his cloak. He moved his hands under her knees and her back and picked her up. She let out an ear splitting scream. There was such a sudden and sharp pain in her legs and ribs that the pain almost knocked her out. He kept muttering that he was going to help her and kissing her forehead. Although she wasn’t big, it was still impressive that he was running full bore with her in his arms. She moved her head to the crook of his neck, shivering and trying to get warmth from him. The crystal was still cutting into her hand, but she couldn’t feel it much anymore.

 

“I’m going to help you Val, please stay with me.” Her vision was slipping, and she felt so sick. “Val! Please stay with me!” She felt warm drops of moisture on her cheeks from above.

  
“I’m so cold,” she could barely speak. She sounded nothing like she did in those caves, her voice was course and it hurt to speak. _What was that? What the hell is this damn crystal?_ It didn’t make any sense to her, but her consciousness was slipping from her. As if from far away she heard Kylo climb into the ship. He placed her down somewhere, the engines roared to life and they lifted off. That’s when she gave into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Luke's force ghost would really be his old bearded self but I really like the idea of him being more in tune with the force when he was younger. Anyways, I used the show Star Wars: The Clone Wars to describe Ilum, although they had it as a barren ice planet I just really wanted some trees.


	3. Fear and Rebelion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been so long! I have been super busy and not very focused on anything so sorry again! But thank you for all your nice comments on my work it means the world!

A strange poking in her legs made her eyelids flutter. She didn't have the strength to move any of her limbs, she just laid there. She tried hard to force her eyelids open, but nothing happened. The poking stopped and she heard yelling, but nothing distinct. There was a loud rushing of feet and something was placed over her mouth. She took a few deep breaths before she felt herself being pulled back down into the darkness of unconsciousness. She wanted to wake up and she was trying to swim back toward the surface of her mind. Her eyelids flicked again, she was fighting against the blackness. She felt a finger twitch, heard it crack from not being moved in so long. She tried to move her toes, but she was having difficulty. She forced her eyes to open. She was somewhere far too bright. She moaned from the pain, her legs felt like they were full of splinters of ice. She couldn’t move her head, it felt like her body was a stiff board. She worked slowly to try and move it, and when she finally did she saw Kylo passed out in a chair. He was curled up, trying to fit his 6’3” frame into the small chair that would have a hard time fitting even her. She tried opening her mouth, but her throat was so dry. “Kylo,” her voice was barely audible above the din of the machines hooked up to her. His eyes snapped open and he rushed over to her. He grabbed her hand, kissing it and her head. 

 

“I didn’t know if you were going to make it,” he said, he shaking. 

 

“Wha… what’s wrong with me?” His eyebrows knitted together, “how long have I been out?”

 

“Your legs were shattered. You have been asleep for almost two days. You shouldn’t be awake yet.” 

 

“How long,” her voice cracked, “how long until I can walk again?” He smiled faintly.

 

“You will be fully recovered in a few days, but you can walk now.” He lifted her hand and kissed it again. They sat for a few moments before his face fell a bit. “Snoke wants to see-”

 

“What the hell happened in that cave?” He blinked in confusion. 

 

“What cave? I found you at the bottom of a cliff, it seems like you fell off it.”  _ A cliff? What the hell does that mean?  _ She sat trying to piece it together. 

 

“Where is that crystal then?” 

 

“It’s with me,” he pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to her. On the very tip it was coated in blood, and she looked at her own hand. There was a large puffy cut on her palm, it cut a lot deeper than she had thought before.

 

“What is this?” 

 

“It’s called a Kyber Crystal. It's the single most important part of a lightsaber. It’s what gives it the color and is what the laser comes through.” He sounded like a book, his voice monotone. Val sat nodding slowly, she was beginning to understand. 

 

“So...so Snoke wanted me to make a lightsaber, how do I do that?” He bit his lip.

 

“Come on,” he stood up. He held out his hand, and she took it. She moved her legs, which luckily didn’t hurt to move and just felt like they were asleep. She shifted them, touching the cold floor with her toes. Her knees gave out from under her when she put all her weight on her them, his arms wrapped under hers and helped her up. He moved one hand around her waist and pulled her close to his side, allowing her to lean heavily on him. 

 

“Kylo I need something to change into,” she said quietly to him. He pointed over to a side table where the outfit she was wearing when she injured herself was neatly folded. It had been patched up and fixed, all the blood and dirt had been washed out. She hobbled over and pulled off her hospital gown and pulled on the outfit, with help from Kylo, she put the crystal in her pocket. He reached and grabbed his mask which was laying next to the clothes, and slid it on. They walked out slowly, she leaned heavily on him to stay upright. A few nurses looked close to coming up and saying that they couldn’t leave yet, but when they saw the warning look on Val’s face, they backed off. They made it out of the over-bright hospital and walked toward the loud noises of troops marching. Her legs were slowly beginning to not hurt and she could now stand on them with almost all her weight. It felt like every few steps would send shooting pain up her legs but after a while the pain became a dull throbbing. She slowly began to not lean so much on Kylo but he still kept a firm grip on her waist. They walked past his room and kept going, “Kylo where are we going?” He didn’t answer. They walked, making a few turns here and there, all the while he stayed silent. Troopers marched past them and she thought about 87,  _ where was he? Was he safe? _

 

“He’s fine,” said Kylo coldly. She looked up at him, but he refused to look at her. They walked in silence for a few more steps until they passed the command center. Kylo sucked in air sharply and turned to glare at Hux, who was staring at the two. Kylo let go of Val’s waist, causing her to sway on the spot. He marched down toward Hux, his shoulders squared. Hux didn’t seem afraid of the man coming at him, she couldn’t decide if that was stupid or brave.They stopped only a few inches apart, Hux glaring at where he assumed Kylo’s eyes would be. “Do you have something to say to me or her, Hux?” Hux stood a few moments before he shook his head. “Good. Tell Snoke she’s awake.” Kylo turned and stormed back out. Val connected eyes with Hux for a heartbeat before Kylo took up her field of vision. “Come on,” his hand took hers and pulled her down the corridor. She knew where they were going. The silence was unreal as they walked down the passage, the passage that would lead to Snoke. Her reaction to the sudden chill as she walked down steps was the same, shrink into Kylo’s side. His arm wrapped around her shoulders again, keeping her close. He didn’t stop at the door, he kissed her on top of the head and let her go. She kept walking, but she noticed that he wasn’t following. 

 

“Kylo,” she said, but when she turned the only thing she saw what his back walking away. She stood, unsure of where to go or what to do. She turned and saw the huge projected figure of Snoke watching her, a thin smile on his face.

 

“Hello Val,” his voice was quiet. She stood, shifting uncomfortably under his gaze. It suddenly hit her what had happened in those caves. He told her that her and Kylo could be together and that she could find her parents, but was that really him? She wasn’t sure. She saw Luke Skywalker, who, as far she and the rest of the First Order knew, was alive. There is no way that he would be on Ilum, why would a Jedi master like Luke be on a place like Ilum? “I’m sure you have many questions, I am willing to answer them for you.” 

 

“Do you know what happened to me on Ilum?” He leaned to his right, picking his words carefully. 

 

“That you broke your legs to receive your crystal, yes.” 

 

“That’s not what I-”

 

“I do know what you saw. What you believed was real, your greatest desires.” She felt heat rise in her face.  _ How much had he really seen? Was he just playing with me?  _ He smiled. It was horrible. It pulled at the scar above his lip, and caused his face to contort in an inhumanly way. The way that he was looking at her made her feel like he was looking for something else, more information.

 

“Was it really you in that cave?” The words came out before she could really stop herself. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. He shook his head. 

 

“It wasn’t my physical body, but I was there.” His voice sounded smug. “Has Kylo given you your crystal?” She nodded, “good. Come closer, I have a gift for you.” She walked slowly up to the small platform, where she bowed obidently. He laughed, “there is no need to bow.” She stood up quickly. He motioned to her feet, making her look down. There were about 150 different small pieces of metal glinting in the dull light. “These will eventually make a lightsaber,” she looked up him. He really seemed to overestimate her abilities, did he really think she could do that? “You will use the force as a guide to find where each piece goes and which pieces don’t belong. Begin, you must stay in this room. It is something you need to do alone. ” His hologram was gone. She had no idea what to do. Was she really suppose to just know how to make a lightsaber? With a sigh she sat down, picking up a few pieces and looking at them.  _ No not those pieces, these ones feel better. _ It was a strange feeling, to have something you did not understand control what you were doing. Snoke’s words came back to her  _ use the force as a guide.  _ Closing her eyes, she imagined the pieces. She saw them move, them fit together. When she opened them, there were about sixty parts hovering in the air in front of her. She jumped and they clattered to the floor. After the initial shock had disappeared, she plunged her hand into a pocket and pulled out the crystal and set it down in front of her. Again she closed her eyes and picked up the metal parts. Using her hands she moved the pieces, connecting them together and placing the crystal inside. She opened her eyes, there was a lightsaber balancing in the air in front of her. When she reached out for it, it fell into her hand. It felt perfectly weighted and like it was made for her, which she guessed it was. Her fingers danced around the hilt of the weapon, pressing down on a button near the end. The whole thing vibrated for a few seconds before a long beam shot out the end. The lightsaber was a bright purple, it was almost blinding. She stood up, careful not to have it touch her skin at all. Unlike Kylo’s, hers was solid and not making a loud crackling noise. She was in awe of the thing. Lightsabers had been around for thousands and thousands of years, both used by the Sith and the the Jedi. Here she stood, holding something that was contraband, something that was more powerful than any blaster. Purple was a strange color, she thought that lightsabers were only green, blue, and red. 

 

“Ah, you seem to have gotten your lightsaber together faster than I thought. Only two and a half hours.” She looked up, Snoke was back.  _ Two and a half hours? It only felt like ten minutes!  _ His face changed to confusion. “Do you know how a lightsaber gets it’s color?” She shook her head. “Kyber crystals are colorless. Once a lightsaber is put together, the crystal will take on a color that relates to wielder. Red is the color associated with Sith, it’s the color of rage, passion, and the dark side. The Jedi mainly had two colors, blue and green. Blue means to protect. Green is peace. Beyond that there are 8 different colors, silver, yellow, white, black, orange, gold, bronze, and purple.  Each of those colors have a special meaning. Purple is a color of a jedi who once were on the dark side, but have gone to the light.” Val’s hand tightened around the saber. “Are you thinking of betraying Kylo and I?” 

 

“No master of course not. This crystal called out to me...I… I couldn’t help it.” She was terrified, her voice and hands shook. His eyes narrowed. There was a stiff silence, and then, “can I ask a question?” She wanted her mouth to be glued shut, she could not believe she was being this bold. 

 

“Fine.”

 

“When we were in that cave, or whatever it was, you said something. You said I could be your ‘one apprentice’. What does that mean? What about Kylo?” Her voice was quiet, even she could hear the terror in it. 

 

“Do you know the rule of the Sith?” She shook her head. “There are only two,” this made her look up. 

 

“If there are only two, why take me on as an apprentice?” He smiled.

 

“Oh my dear, that’s something you need to figure out yourself. Now go,” Swallowing hard, she nodded and turned. Walking fast, she made it to the door in a few moments, sliding her new lightsaber into her belt.  When she got out, Kylo leaped toward her from second bottom step. He had taken off his mask and his face looked relieved. He tried to get between her and her walking path, but she just moved around him. Her legs were shaking so badly that she could barely walk up the stairs. 

 

“Val, what’s wrong?” She just shook her head, tears flinging from her eyes. “Hey,” his hand lightly grabbed at her arm. She jumped. His bare hands touched her face lightly, his helmet was under his arm. 

 

“I’m scared, I’m so scared.” He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, moving his mask into his left hand, putting his chin on top of her head. 

 

“Scared of what?” 

 

“My lightsaber. It’s purple. It’s the color of someone who was once on the dark side and then joined the light side. Snoke thinks I’m going to betray you and him!” He tightened around her. Letting her go, he took a few steps back. 

 

“Would you betray Snoke?” His face was set, he looked like he was suppressing fury. It made her uncomfortable that he completely disregarded what she said about betraying him and was just asking about Snoke. 

 

“No,” it sounded almost like a question. “Kylo...I would never leave you. Never.” He turned and walked up the steps, but stopped half way up. He held out his hand, sliding on his mask with his other. Val rushed up the steps and took it. They walked in silence. They walked past the command center and made it back to the center of the base. “Kylo, can I go see 87? I left without much of an explanation.” She felt his hand tighten around her’s, making her wince. He just let go of her hand and stormed off, she took that as a yes. Truth was, she had do idea where or how to find 87. Usually if she saw him throughout the day it was because she accidently ran into him. The best place to go, she decided, was down by the maintenance room and see if he was around there. She was only walking for a few minutes before a trooper came up next to her. 

 

“Hey V, or do you want me to call you Val?”  She turned around to see his smiling face. She gave him a hug, feeling him melt against her. Her arms loosened but his were still tight around her, but she didn’t mind. It felt nice to be held so tightly and lovingly as this. “87, you can let me go now.” 

 

“Oh yeah, sorry,” his voice was shaky. He unwrapped his arms, putting his helmet back on quickly, as it was against the rules to take off your helmet unless you get permission. There was a few seconds silence before “what’s that thing you got there? Is that where you went? ” He tapped a finger on the lightsaber. She stood, her mouth slightly open, how in the hell was she going to explain this? 

 

“Can we talk sometime? Not now,” his body fell, “I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.” He straightened back up, and nodded. 

 

“Val,” he said quietly.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Are you going to Jakku with us?” She shrugged. 

 

“Who’s taking you there?” 

 

“Kylo, don’t you think he’s going to bring you with?” She shrugged again. Truly she had no idea what Kylo was ever thinking. He just nodded and walked away, leaving her with her thoughts.  _ Why were they going to Jakku? Was there something there that they needed? _

 

*

One of Kylo’s hands touched her’s lightly, “are you okay?” She just nodded, a faint smile on her lips. They were standing at the bridge of the  _ Finalizer _ over Jakku. Everyone was gone, she knew Kylo must have told them to leave them alone. He had woken her up to show her something, and half dragged half carried her tired body out of bed. She kept asking him where they were going and why he had woken her up so early. When he had taken her to the bridge, she just groaned about how she had already seen this before and it wasn’t all that special. He had just shushed her and pulled her to the windows at the front. Besides Ilum and Starkiller base she had never been on another planet. Although Jakku was just sand, it was something she never had seen before. She could feel his eyes still on her, but they felt like they were proud. She truly didn’t know what it felt like to have someone who is proud look at you. 

 

“It’s beautiful,” she said, the smile breaking across her face. “I’ve never seen a planet like this,” she took a few steps forward, her hands gripping tightly onto the railing. She heard him shadow her steps, his cloak swishing across the cold hard metal of the floor. She pulled the cloak she was wearing closer around her, it was almost identical to Kylo’s as well as his gift to her. Soft lips touched her skin, making her jump. 

 

“Sorry,” he muttered. “It’s just you look so beautiful, your eyes are so full of wonder. I don’t see that all too much anymore.” He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and placed his chin on the top of her head. They stood there for a few moments before the faintest of light cracked over the horizon of the planet. Val’s eyes widened, she knew what he wanted to show her. They stood for several glorious moments, watching the sun rise to bathe the planet in light. He was humming something quietly, his chest vibrating against her back. She was so relaxed, and she knew he was too. That little time they had together was broken when they heard faint footsteps. They turned to see a trooper standing there, his shoulders set but his hand was slightly shaking. 

 

“I’m sorry to interrupt sir, but Commander Hux is ordering us to go move to the other side of the planet so we can start our landing.” Kylo nodded, and took Val’s hand. They left the trooper standing there, relief rolling off him in waves. Val pushed on his consciousness, trying to calm him down even more. She felt everything about him relax, even Kylo seemed to calm down a bit. She yawned, her eyes squeezing shut. 

 

“Why don’t you go back to sleep.” Still yawning, she nodded. 

 

“Wait, when are we going to land?” He shook his head and gave a small shrug. “Well then I guess I won’t be going back to sleep. I want to go down with you.” He sighed and just nodded. 

 

“Well if you’re so determined to stay up, we are going to train then.” She groaned. Her training hours were long and usually painful. Kylo never means to hurt her, often he forgets his own strength. Her ribs still ached from when he had hit her during a particularly intense training session. He apologized so much that she actually had to hit him herself to get him to be quite. “Come on,” he said. His voice was oddly happy. 

 

Almost 3 hours later Val finally lunged at Kylo. She grabbed his left wrist and flung him over her shoulders, his body made a reverberating thud when it hit the ground. One of her feet stepped on his saber hand and she drove a knee into his chest, fake lightsaber at his throat. His face was slick with sweat, hair clinging to his forehead. Both of them were breathing hard, their shirts suctioned to them with sweat. He let go of his fake saber, “you got me.” 

 

“You're...damn...right..” she panted out. His lips parted in a smile, and she felt hers do the same. She got off him, her joints and bones aching as she did. She held out a hand and he grabbed it, she had to use a lot more strength than she thought she would need to get him up. They put their fake lightsabers back on the rack and walked out of the small training room and into the small a joining locker room. They both stripped down to their underwear and moved off to the showers. The showers were absolutely tiny, barely big enough to fit one person, but they got the job done. Kylo was out first, Val was out right after. She patted herself dry, enjoying the nice silence between the two of them. Although he had his back to her, she could see him in the mirror in the bathroom. His back was toned, a smattering of birthmarks across it. Although they were together, Kylo had told her he would never take advantage of her being naked right next to him and take a look. He said he never wanted her to feel uncomfortable around him. Her heart melted when he said this, and so far, he has kept this promise. Never once has he taken a glance at her, she always felt guilty when she would see him naked in the those mirrors. Almost as soon as she would connect eyes with her reflected self, she would look back down at what she was doing. Ever since he found out what 36 had done to her and her fall on Ilum, Kylo had become fiercely protective of her. Although she thought it was ridiculous that he would shadow almost her every step, it was comforting to know that he was always within arms reach. She pulled on her jacket, then her cloak and turned around to look at Kylo. He was determinedly staring right over her head. She laughed and cupped his face and pulled it down toward her, giving him a quick and soft kiss. 

 

He gave a faint smile and said, “you're getting better and better. Have you been meditating?” She nodded, hoping he wouldn't pick up on the lie. He had told her that meditating was a key part of her training, but she wasn't doing it anymore after two nights ago. She was meditating in a large metal room, he legs crossed, eyes closed. He had told her that she would need to be calm, to not think about anything. So she did. It felt like hours before she felt the Force, it felt like warm waves washing over her, a light and soothing rush of power. She felt so at peace, she took a few deep and cooling breaths. It was not strange for her to sometimes hear voices, but they were usually faint, this one was loud. 

 

“Please help him,” it was right in her ear. It wasn’t any of the voices she had heard before. This one was deep and rough, it held an edge. She fell on to her side, sweat dripping off her. She was shaking violently, it felt like an icy hand had suddenly gripped her heart. Val laid there for a few minutes, trying to regulate her breathing and stop her shaking. Eventually she decided she needed to get up and get out of the room. Her legs were shaking but she made it to her and Kylo’s room. She pulled off her clothes and curled up on the empty bed. Kylo came in almost an hour later, but she pretended to be asleep so he wouldn’t worry about her. She hadn’t realized that Kylo had taken her hand and was gently pulling her out of the locker room, far too wrapped up in that mysterious voice. They walked in their usual silence all the way to the command center, which is when a young cadet came up and said that they could make their landing now. Kylo nodded. He moved away, still holding on to Val’s hand tightly.

 

“Do you want to come down?” he said quietly. She contemplated it for a minute or two before she nodded. She had never been in a battle despite her skills, her commander didn’t want his prized solider killed or injured.  He nodded once back, barely moving his head. He turned to the crew and yelled “we are going to make our landing in an hour!” All the men and women began to rush this way and that, trying to get to their stations and prepare all the troops for the landing. Over the PA system she heard a male voice announce the news. The marching stormtroopers in front of her stood for a few seconds, then they ran toward their commanders and the guns. “Come on,” Kylo leaned down and whispered it in Val’s ear. She nodded and let him pull her along after him like always. They made it back to their room where they grabbed their lightsabers, although she wasn’t sure she would be all that useful if they got in a real fight. She had only made her lightsaber a week ago and had been training for only a few days, she knew if a real fight broke out she would need a blaster and not a lightsaber. 

 

*

The troops had been down on the planet for almost ten minutes before Kylo, Val, and Phasma left. When they got down, Val’s mouth fell open. Everything was burning. Screams were echoing off the former husks of buildings. The wind sent whispers of sand, trying in vain to cool the fires. When they all came off the ship, Kylo shifted her so she would be behind him and between the two other commanders with them. She felt tense. Her hands were shaking, she had to hold onto her lightsaber tightly to stop the shaking from becoming noticeable. She was so focused on Kylo’s back that she almost walked into him when he stopped. In front of him stood an old man, his face creased but his eyes steel. 

 

“Where is it?” asked Kylo. The man just stood, and then a deep resounding voice came out of the wizened mouth. 

 

“You will never find him.”

 

“We’ll see about that,” Kylo spat back.

 

“I remember you before you called yourself Kylo Ren,” the way he said ‘Kylo Ren’ was harsh and brutal. She could physically see Kylo stiffen, his shoulders set and a hand was at his lightsaber. “I remember you before Snoke, before the darkside.” She knew what he was going to do before he turned his lightsaber on. 

 

“I’ll show you the dark side,” his spit the words out, anger coating every syllable. He raised his arms and sliced the old man in half. Suddenly there was the sound of a blaster going off, Kylo turned so swiftly that she barely saw him. He was standing in front of her, holding the shivering blue blast in place, a man shaking next to it. The man’s eyes were wide and fear was etched in every line of his face. Two troopers came and punched him, dragging him towards Kylo. They kept him firmly planted on his knees, and Kylo leaned down to look at the man. 

 

“...Do I talk first or you talk first? I talk first?” Val had to bite her lip from laughing, but she felt a smile creep across her lips nonetheless. 

 

“Where is it? Where is the map?” Kylo’s voice could be best described as controlled anger. The man just stayed silent, but his eyes looked Val up and down. Kylo suddenly stood up, almost smacking straight into Val’s nose, who had unconsciously moved forward a bit. “Put him on my ship,” and with that the troopers picked him up and dragged him toward the ship. Phasma finally came out of the ship, she took a quick glance at all the mayhem, but turned back to look at Kylo. 

 

“What about the villagers?”

 

“Kill them all.” Val felt her eyes widen and she turned to look at Kylo, hoping against hope that she had heard him wrong. Phasma nodded and motioned the stormtroopers to surround the terrified people. She waited until the people were lost in the ring of shiny white armor, and then said to open fire, her voice dripping in satisfaction. Amid the bright red flashes, Val noticed one that wasn’t firing. On their helmet was blood, three long strips of it. They stood with their gun raised, but then put it down at their side again. She knew she was staring at them, but they didn’t seem to realize it. “We’re leaving,” whispered Kylo in Val’s ear. She paused, trying in vain to see who it was through the Force, but nothing was happening. One of his arms snaked around her waist, and she left herself get pulled by him toward the ship. Kylo stopped though, and looked back at the lone trooper standing there. The way they stood told Val that they were terrified. Kylo seemed to rethink what he was about to do and began walking away again, but then there was a loud explosion behind them, making Val jump. When she turned around it seemed that Kylo had let go of the blast he was holding, causing it to hit a nearby moisture collector. Kylo was shaking, from rage or sadness she truely didn’t know, he had both coming off him in droves. When they finally sat down in the ship, Val sat across from the man, who was flanked by Phasma and a commander. They locked eyes and she pulled her mismatched eyes away from his brown ones. He didn’t seem scared, he just seemed like he wasn’t enjoying this turn of events. He was sitting with his legs stretched out, his face neutral. Val was trying her damndest to get inside his head, they didn’t know who he was. She could tell by his clothes that he was some form of military personnel. She felt the jerk of lift off but her eyes never left his. 

 

He was undeniably handsome. His tan skin was unmarked, his hair in perfect curls. Although he was shorter than her, he still held himself well, successfully making him look much taller than he really was. She felt her eyes trail down his face, taking in the lines of his lips and his jaw. His lips curled slightly in a faint smirk and he winked. Despite herself, she felt a blush creep up her cheeks and she looked away. She could feel his eyes looking her up and down, making her blush even more. Kylo sat down with a low growl next to Val, she could tell that he was staring down the man across from them. Val looked back at the man, who looked like he had deflated. One of Kylo’s hand rather roughly grabbed her upper thigh, giving it a possessive squeeze. The man’s eyes flashed down to his hand and then back up to her eyes, a tiny frown pulling at his lips. They all stayed that way for the next ten minutes, until they finally landed. Phasma and the commander next to her dragged the man out of the ship. Val went to stand up but Kylo was still holding on to her thigh so tightly that she couldn’t even get up. “I don’t like how he was looking at you,” Kylo’s voice was absolutely furious, “and I don’t like how you were looking at him.” Val felt her anger boil up, causing her to pry his fingers off her roughly. 

 

“I’m sorry about that Kylo, but that’s not my problem!” her voice was absolute ice. She stormed off the ship, hearing him do the same. Both of them were following the shiny helmet of Phasma, bobbing through the throng of soldiers. The distance between her and Kylo shortened until he was right behind her. 

 

“He can wait, come with me.” Kylo’s hands grabbed at her waist and pulled her down a corridor. She didn't object, her anger was still flared in her and she could sense it was the same for Kylo. His hands were still firmly around her waist, causing her walk to be awkward and stilted. 

 

“Let go of me Kylo!” He made a low growling noise before finally letting her waist go. The door leading to their shared room slid open and they stormed in. “WHAT DO YOU WANT KYLO!?” her voice was loud and filled to the brim with anger. He jumped back a bit, obviously shocked that she had yelled at him. “What? You think that because I was  _ looking _ at another man means you can become so controlling?” His ripped his mask off, showing a face contorted in rage. 

 

“I think it’s my right to get jealous!” The moment he said that his face flushed, embarrassment flaring up bright red on his cheeks. She felt her own cheeks grow red again, making her look down at her feet. 

 

“You could have just said that you were jealous, you didn’t have to be such a dick about it.” She didn’t look up until his feet were close enough to hers that if he took another step forward, he would be stepping on her. One of his hands reached under her chin and pulled her face toward his. His face was a mixture of pain and sadness, and she had to hold herself back from kissing him, anything to get him to smile again. 

 

“I’m sorry, it’s just Hux has been making me skitchy. He has been having dreams about you, and I...well...I’m not all that sure as to why you still are with me. I’m nothing but angry and violent.” Val couldn’t hold herself back anymore, she stood up on her toes to kiss him gently. 

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, I could never leave you, especially not for someone like Hux.” She couldn’t help but laugh at that, but judging by Kylo’s hurt expression, that was not the right reaction. She placed both her hands on each side of his face, kissing him again, this time lingering on his lips more that the last time. When she went to pull away from him, she felt a tear hit her cheek, and felt his arms wrap tightly around her waist. He mumbled something against her lips that felt like  _ please don’t leave _ . So she stayed exactly where she was, eyes closed,  feeling more thick and warm tears hit her cheeks. His lips moved, signally that he wanted hers to open, which she did. His tongue slid into her mouth, and her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. His hands moved to the front of her jacket and roughly undid the buttons, making her gasp as his nails glanced against her skin. He pried her arms from his neck, allowing him to pull off her jacket successfully. Her skin burst in goosebumps, making her shiver and cling closer to Kylo. With difficulty, Kylo pulled off his own shirt. Now their bare chests were pressed painfully tight together, Kylo’s fingertips digging into the spaces between her ribs and her arms were wrapped so tightly around his neck that she gripping her upper arms. Their hearts were hammering against each other, causing their racing heartbeats to sound like rolling thunder. 

 

Val was the first one to rip her lips away, taking deep breaths, feeling her lungs fill back up with cool air. Kylo wasted no time in moving to kiss her neck, his teeth lightly grazing against her skin making her moan quietly. His hands lightly danced up her spine and grabbed a fist full of hair, pulling her head back. The very tip of his tongue skimmed across the skin under her chin and the very top of her throat. One of his hands moved out of her hair and grabbed at her right breast, rolling her nipple between his forefinger and thumb. She shuddered, causing him to groan loudly. That hand moved down her torso, sending more and more shivers up her, eventually getting to the top of her pants. Although they were skin tight, he got his hand down them and his middle finger rubbed her clit. Her breath caught in her throat, a massive shiver rippled up her, causing her lips to part in a silent noise of pleasure. His fingers moved faster and his mouth covered hers again. On one particularly hard rub, she tried to break away and moan but Kylo’s hand that was still twisted in her hair kept her face there. He slowly started to push her back toward the bed, she was having a hard time not tripping over her own feet or his. 

 

The back of her knees hit the bed and she went to sit down but Kylo murmur something against her lips again,  _ no _ . Kylo’s lips slowly crawled down her neck, her collar bones, her breasts, her toned stomach, and finally to the skin above the hem of her pants. He gently pulled the pants down, along with her underwear, and kissed the top of her thighs softly. One of his hands pushed her down on to the bed, causing her to be about even with his kneeling form, she leaned back on her elbows. His eyes didn’t leave hers while he pulled off her boots, pants, and underwear. He pulled her hips forward, so they were hanging off the edge of the bed. He laid her legs over on his shoulders, and kissed softly down from her knees. He finally pulled his dark eyes away from hers, closing them and lightly running his warm fingertips up and down her legs. His head was close enough that she could feel the tips of his hair brush against her core, when he looked up. “Are you sure you want this?” She just nodded, her lips curled in a faint smile, and then she laid down flat. He went back to kissing her thighs, eyes closed. Eventually he reached her core, and his tongue lightly brushed her wet folds. Her eyes closed and she let out a small moan. That moan seemed to cause a complete change in Kylo. His mouth was all over her, licking and sucking, moans being ripped from her lips. About a minute or two later, he put one long finger in her, causing her to gasp loudly. His lips pulled away, “are you okay? Did I hurt you?” She just grabbed his hair and pushed his face back between her thighs. His free arm laid across her lower stomach, helping to spread apart her lips, his finger pumping in her. She tightened her grip on his hair, her hips bucking against his tongue. Another one of his long fingers were inserted in her, causing her back to arch and her to moan loudly. Her other hand grabbed at the one he was using to hold her open, their fingers intertwining. She started to moan and gasp his name out, her stomach tightening up as her back arched. He curled his fingers in her, making her almost scream but she covered her mouth with her hand. She felt a warm tingling in her lower stomach and her legs began to shake around his neck. Her ankles locked together behind his head and she gripped his hand tightly, her thighs closing around him in a vice grip. Her clit began to burn with pent up pleasure and she could barely contain herself. Her orgasm rushed through her like molten lava, her whole body tensing up and a loud, throaty moan escaped from her lips. Kylo licked and sucked until her orgasm ended, and stayed between her thighs a bit longer, savoring the sound of her panting. 

 

She finally loosened her thighs from around his neck and her tight grip on his hair. There was a small popping noise as he pulled his fingers out of her. He lightly shrugged off her legs, kissing up her stomach, up her heaving chest, and finally to her lips. The fact alone that the skin around his mouth was wet, made Val kiss him with as much passion as she could. He laughed quietly, licking sucking her come off his fingers, “you are by far the best thing I have tasted in my life.” She smiled and wrapped her legs around his waist, she felt him pulling off his own pants and shoes. Both of his hand lightly lifted her hips up and moved her so she was laying straight on the bed. He climbed back over her, kissing her collar bones and unhooking her legs from around him and moving her legs so the back of her thighs were flat against the front of his. When he moved her closer to him, she felt the very tip of his cock brush against her. She gasped at the heat of it and he smiled slightly at her reaction. He pulled her hips up rather roughly, and slowly put himself inside her. Val let out a low moan, her hands gripping his upper arms tightly. He bit his lip, his fingers holding her hips so tight that it was for sure leaving bruises. When he was fully in her, he leaned down and kissed her neck again, putting his forearms on either side of her head. With a small movement of his hips, his cock to move in her. She moaned and he trusted deeper into her. Her eyes closed and she grabbed his face and began to kiss him deeply. He pushed harder into her, making her moan loudly and her hands latched onto his back. He kept moving his hips faster and faster, her moans growing louder and louder. On one particularly hard thrust, her nails ranked up his back and he hissed from the pain. He pulled his lips away, finally free to try and regain his breath. His pace was making her head spin. Val sucked on Kylo’s neck, loving the noises he was making. That familiar tingling burning between her thighs returned, her back arching against him.

 

“Kylo… I’m...” her sentence was cut off by the loudest moan she had ever made. Her legs tightened around him and her nails ripped at his skin, she could already feel the blood dribbling out of the cuts. He groaned loudly, his nails dug into the soft skin on her hips, his pants loud in her ear. His pace was becoming sporadic and deep, he was slowly losing pace. He bit her neck and hot liquid flooded into her, making her shiver. They stayed in that position for what felt like ages, their breath slowing down, their bodies relaxing. 

 

“I love you,” he muttered. She moved her head so she could kiss his jaw.

 

“I love you too.” He kissed the spot he had bit, muttering an apology. “Did I hurt you?” he shook his head. She moved her fingers up and down his toned back, searching for the blood that she felt.  “Let me see your back,” with a sigh he moved off her. It felt like a piece of her was gone when he pulled out of her, a piece that was now only his. He sat up and in the faint light from the overhead lights, she saw long rivers of blood seeping out of the cuts. She gasped, “Kylo I'm so-”

 

“Listen I don't really care that you cut me, I would accept any physical pain, as long as it was from you.” She sat motionless for a few seconds before she leaned forward and kissed his shoulders lightly. She wrapped her arms and legs around his waist, muttering her apologies. His fingertips moved up and down her legs, picking up her hand and kissing it. “Did you mean it?”

 

“Mean what?”

 

“Do you really love me?” his voice sounded tight. “How could you ever love someone,” his voice cracked, “like me?” She kissed his shoulder again. 

 

“Of course I meant it.” She rested her head on his shoulder, her lips pressed against his neck. “As to why, you give me something I have never felt before, love. You look at me as a person, not a number. You make me feel like I’m more than just number. No one has ever done that, ever.” They sat in silence, then Kylo suddenly got up. Val had to regain her balance again before getting up too. 

 

“Come on, we have to go talk to that prisoner.” he said. She didn’t want to go. They had just shared such an intimate moment, and all he could think about was going and talking the prisoner. He noticed she wasn’t moving to get dressed, “come on Val.” She sighed and got dressed, already feeling stiff and pain in her hips where his fingers had dug into her. They walked out into the wall and was immediately cornered by Hux.

 

“Ren, where have you been!? We know who the prisoner is.” Kylo turned Hux. “Poe Dameron.”

 

“ _ The  _ Poe Dameron? The fighter pilot from the Resistance?” Kylo and Hux turned and stared at her. She felt a blush creep up her cheeks, “heard a lot about him. I had to read a lot of reports about him.” The two men turned back to each other. 

 

“What should we do Ren?”

 

“I’ll talk to him,” he turned and began to march down the hall. “Val you are staying with Hux.” He was out of sight before she could even respond. 

 

“Come on,” said Hux softly. She looked at him, shocked by his kind voice. He lightly gripped her arm and walked down the hallway. When they finally got to the interrogation room all she could hear was screaming. She instinctively winced, those screams reminded her of her own. When she was insubordinate they would take her away and beat her until they felt it was good enough. Insubordination only happened twice for her, both had left lasting scars, both physical and mental. “It’s fine, calm down,” Hux whispered in her ear. He was standing extremely close to her, she could feel the warm puffs of his breath on her neck. Val bit the inside of her cheek and cracked her knuckles, making Hux flinch. They stood there for what seemed like days before the screaming stopped and Kylo finally stepped out. 

 

“The map is in a BB-8 droid.” 

 

“Do you know where the droid is?” asked Hux impatiently. 

 

“Jakku still,” Hux’s face flexed angrily at those words. “We’ll find it.” They both began to walk away, but Kylo turned around. “Come here,” he said imploringly. Val shook her head, struck with a sudden idea. 

 

“Go on Kylo, I know my way around here well enough.” For a second he hesitated, but then stormed off. She waited for them to be completely out of sight before ducking into the room holding Poe Dameron. His head was tipped down, seemingly asleep. When he heard the door close, he looked up. She was taken aback by the cut over his eye and his bruised face. They looked at each other for a few moments before she took a step forward. He winced away from her advance, “hey I’m not gonna hurt you.” He gave a hoarse laugh.

 

“Bullshit sweetheart. You’re with Ren, I know he sent you in here to get me to talk. No matter what the fuck you do to me, I won't talk.” She took a few more steps closer, when something catches her eye. There are two buckets in the corner, one empty and the other filled with water. The empty one had a wet rag in it, blood on the corner. Her eyes flicked over to look at Poe, the roots of his curly hair were wet. A pang a sadness swept over her. The man she loved had done this. She looked at the bucket, concentrating hard on moving the water. A little stream of water burst through the surface, it faltered a bit but then became solid and floated toward her. Poe’s eyes were wide with shock, “what are you doing?” 

 

“Giving you water,” she moved the stream next to his mouth. “So drink.” He reluctantly opened his mouth and slowly the water went into him. It seemed that he was a hell of a lot thirstier than he thought because he drank almost half the bucket before he stopped. 

 

“Was that the force?” he sounded excited. 

 

“Yeah,” she shrugged. 

 

“That’s so amazing!” his face light up for a few seconds and then fell. “Are you going to torture me like Ren?”  She shook her head. They stared at each other for a few minutes before he asked, “then why help me?” 

 

“Captor’s guilty conscious I guess,” she gave a small smile that he did not return. “Listen, Dameron I-”

 

“Call me Poe.” 

 

“No, I like Dameron more. Listen I don’t know what is in that BB-8 unit but I-” he cut her off again. 

 

“It’s a map to Luke Skywalker.” She stood, dumbfounded. 

 

“There’s a  _ map _ leading to him?” Poe nodded, his face blank so it wouldn’t give to much away. “ Seems dumb to just leave a map leading to you laying around when you go into exile.” Poe smiled, his perfect straight teeth glinting in the artificial light. It was right then that she made her decision. She would be killed if anyone found out about her involvement with it, but she didn’t care. A twang of pain hit her as she realized that she wouldn’t be the only killed if it failed. But Kylo’s cold and dead words floated back to her  _ kill them all.  _ She balled her hands up into fists, this was going to happen. “Poe, I was never here. You will forget me.” 

 

“What the hell are-”

 

“Poe.” she said it with more strength, her eyes meeting his. “I was never here. You will forget me.” His eyes seemed to glaze over and she knew it had worked. She quickly moved out of the room and down further into the  _ Finalizer _ . He had to be here, she needed him to be here. That’s when she saw something that caught her eye. A troop, his armor coated in dirt and sand, three thin lines of dark red blood over his eyes. The way he walked showed that he was jumpy, every step he took he would look around to make sure no one was following him. His eyes met her’s and she knew exactly who it was. Running to catch him, she grabbed his arm and pulled him into the nearest hallway. “87 I need to talk to you.” 

 

“I have to go to Phasma, she wants my blaster for inspection.” His voice shook slightly. She took his hands and held them tightly. 

 

“87, you did the right thing not killing any of the villagers.” At those words he tried to pull his hands away but she wouldn’t let them go. “I can sense you want to leave.” Again his hands jerked in hers. “Take off the damn helmet, I want to talk to your face not the mask.” 

 

“I can’t, that’s what Phasma yelled at me for, I can’t disobey an order from my superiors.” 

 

“Didn’t stop you on Jakku,” she felt horrible for saying it but this was urgent. Angrily he ripped his hands from hers and pulled off his helmet. His face was covered in sweat and his eyes were wide. “I can get you out. I want you to get out. You don’t belong here 87, you’re far too kind.” He looked at her with his dark eyes, before his face melted a bit.

 

“How?” 

 

“In the interrogation room there is the prisoner from Jakku. He’s Poe Dameron.”  He opened his mouth to talk about the famous pilot but she cut him off. “Clean your armor and get him out. Scratch that, get a whole new set, that would be faster. Take a TIE fighter out, I’ll make sure that you can get into one. He needs to get back to the Resistance, and you need to too. You need to leave here and take Dameron with you.” 

 

“Do you understand what will happen if this fails? I could care less about myself but you will be killed.” She nodded, she wasn't an idiot. There was a few moments a silence before he nodded. “When?”

 

“The moment you finish getting your new armor,” he nodded, his face set. “Go.” He turned and slid his helmet back on and walked down the hall. Val took a few deep breaths before moving out into the main hangar. This was so reckless. He knew it too. She would be killed, but she had to get Dameron out. She had to. She made it across the whole hangar without someone talking to her or pulling her aside. Shaking slightly, she walked past the interrogation room. A trooper with gleaming new armor nodded slightly at her and went into the room. Faintly she heard 87 say that Dameron needed to be moved. She turned the next corner and now was running parallel to the fugitives. When she came back into the hangar they weren’t there yet, which was a blessing. Moving fast, she moved to the control panel next to a row a TIE fighters, clicking the button for them to unlock and prep for launch. But as she turned she saw that they had gone to a totally different row and were sprinting up to get in them.  _ Those fucking idiots. _ They revved the engine and lifted off, or at least tried. The cord that connected the ships to the  _ Finalizer  _ was still attached and they had now caught the attention of every single one of the personnel in a fifty mile radius.  _ Fucking idiots! _ Troops immediately began to shoot, hoping to down them. It was a few seconds before a massive green blast hit a group of soldiers, killing them. Val quickly ducked behind the wall, feeling the floor under her shake. One of the many blasts hit the control center, sending glass and metal debris everywhere. A piece of metal grazed her temple, sizzling from the heat of the blast. She winced but stayed behind the wall. Eventually she heard the signature scream of a TIE fighter speeding by. The  _ Finalizer  _ gave several massive shakes as it shot it’s missiles at the traitor and escaped prisoner. After, that it was dead silent in the hangar, then a loud moan for a medic opened the door for a flood of groans and screams of pain. 

 

“Are you alright?” When she turned she was face to face with Hux. He had blood steadily dripping down his face, tiny bits of glass stuck in the wound. She nodded and he held out his hand to help her up, which she took. “I want to know where that traitor is going.” He sounded bitter and angry, which she couldn’t necessarily blame him. They ran down to the command center. He stormed up immediately to Phasma and demanded to see and troops file that didn’t report for their duties. Val felt a familiar presence behind her. 

 

“Are you alright, love?” he asked her quietly. She nodded but he placed his hands on her shoulders and tightened them protectively. 

 

“This was FN-2187’s first offense, he was suppose to report to my company but he never showed up.” Hux’s face flexed with rage and he stormed back to the person that was tracking the flight of 87. When Val made it back there she saw that they were heading back to Jakku, and the ship was failing.  

 

“They are going to land in the  Goazon Badlands.”

 

“They are going back for the BB-8 unit. I need troops down there now.” 

 

“Maybe you should have made a clone army Hux, they would be loyal.” Val was shocked. Clones haven’t been used since the Clone Wars, and they all turned on their Jedi generals and killed them in Order 66. The only reason she knew this is because she had poured over the history books in the library, spending days just reading about the adventures of General Skywalker, Kenobi, and Tano. Hux’s face contorted in rage but before he could get any words out, Kylo and Val were already moving out of the room. They walked in silence back to their room before Kylo spoke. “Did you know about this.” 

 

“Of course not, I would have told someone.” He pulled off his helmet and pinned her to the wall, his eyes intense and his body intimidating. 

 

“Tell me that to my face.” She worked fast to keep the memories ahead of the wandering fingers of Kylo in her head.  

  
“I know absolutely nothing about what or why 87 would do something like this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I don’t really remember the exact way the things on Jakku and on the Finalizer happened because it’s been over two months since I last saw it. I do remember the biggest stuff that happened though, just not the exact words. So please forgive me if it’s a little off.


End file.
